There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
