i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
