Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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