complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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