Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
