I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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