I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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