Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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