so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
