this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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