I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
