I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
