remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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