I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's always time for handjobs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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