i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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