You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
