my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I forget how to act sober
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
