When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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