i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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