Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
