I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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