UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
