You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
