The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
