Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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