You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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