I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Terrible idea I love it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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