Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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