so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
