I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize