my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Found the puke drawer
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My penis needs a shock collar
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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