Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
