well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
