Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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