all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
