you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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