Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
