Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
