Non-Jews are for practice
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
