I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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