I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize