Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
