Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
