I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
