mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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