i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
