Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
