I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
