We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
