you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
