You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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