I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
