Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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