You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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