Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
