Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
