She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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