you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
