Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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