He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
