I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
