so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
