I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
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Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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