"it" just moved
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
