Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
3pm strippers are depressing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
