o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
