That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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