worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
