she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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